you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
