Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
