he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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