I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize