And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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