Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
