I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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