i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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