My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im part way to drunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
