I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you never un-have a 4some
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
