New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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