I'm lost and stupid without you.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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