You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
