i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
