I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
