Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize