My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
