It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
