We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I need help removing her.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
