Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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