This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need moral support for this bender
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
