my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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