Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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