If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
