I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
