Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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