I just pynch a tree in the face
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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