he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
