FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
