i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
