Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im holly from the hills drunk
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
