my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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