just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
