Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
