There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
