i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
