You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
