I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
