I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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