$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
