apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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