I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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