I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
