I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
