Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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