i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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