I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
