After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
