I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
