I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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