Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
