When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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