yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just want nice things and good sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
