it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
