Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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