For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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