whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pants are for mortals
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
