"it" just moved
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
