Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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