Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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