Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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