All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
