Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
