The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
