can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so let's talk penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
