I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize