Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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