I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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