I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
