He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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