Apparently you make a good broom.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
