Do vagina's smell?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
